


Breaking Her Chains

by Osicne_C



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Healing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Found Family, Lapis healing featuring lapidot!, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Episode: s05e17 Can't Go Back, Rescue Missions, jailbreak, mental health
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:34:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25664479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Osicne_C/pseuds/Osicne_C
Summary: Peridot should have fled with Lapis the moment they had learned about Steven's encounter with the Diamonds. If she had went along with Lapis' concerns then none of this would have happened...at least that's what Lapis told herself to make her feel better.After Peridot gets abducted by Homeworld Lapis must choose between two fears: confronting Homeworld or losing one of the most important person in her life. Lapis must fight her inner demons by finding closure and teaming up with the Crystal Gems, directly facing the enemy, and mending the broken relationship between her and her beloved barn mate.Canon Divergent (Alternate story that takes place before Can't Go Back/A Single Pale Rose.)
Relationships: Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 30





	1. The Moon Sucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis really hates the moon and wishes she had somebody to listen to her complaints about it.

During her month on the moon, Lapis has learned two things.

The first being that she was a coward. Perhaps that was not anything new, at least not in her mind, but Lapis never seemed to amaze herself with how she manages to always dig her grave a little deeper everyday.

The second fact was that she had what humans called a 'love-hate relationship' with the moon. The silence the moon offered would have normally been comforting if it were not for the waterfall of regrets that flooded her mind at all times. As she laid on her hammock, with her entire leg hanging off miserably, her eyes sagged as she slowly lost focus on the droplets of water she fiddled with in the air.

While the guilt and sorrow ate her mind there was always the intense _boredom_ . She could at least distract herself from the guilt by lying to herself about her life choices...While it made herself feel like an inconsiderate clod to do so; it was efficient and temporary flushed the negativity.

Boredom on the other hand was only cured by entertainment. She rolled off the hammock sighing.

The barn was in ruins. The lack of lighting gave her home a rather depressing aura that Lapis did not think was possible in the place that once provided her the most comfort. The meepmorps stood alone in the corner where Lapis had placed them not long ago, standing so distant that one would not even notice them at first glance. The chimes hanging at the ceiling stood frozen like ice. The floor was coated with dull blankets and a magazine pages. Lapis took in the feeling of uncertainty her home now brought her, refusing to remove her eyes from the floor as she hovered from the entrance. Her wings barley lifted her back which left her posture awkward and hunched.

The flight to the moon base was often a short yet terrifying one. Her eyes would normally not stop bouncing around the stars as she exposed herself to the depths of space for enemies until she arrived.

She arrived at the top floor of the moon base. She let out a small content sigh upon being met with the observation orb. There was an intense irony in the fact that a diamond's device was her main source of comfort in the past few weeks, but Lapis chose to ignore that.

The device, however, was both a blessing and a curse. Among first discovering its use, Lapis spent days watching the Earth in awe. She would often revisit the beautiful cities Steven and her visited on flights and longed to experience their beauty in person once tensions on earth lowered. The thought soon became unrealistic when she was reminded of her hasty departure.

Lapis cringed, holding her hand to her nose and nodding. _Stop it...None of that now_...

She reached towards the orb, already having a destination in mind, "Here goes nothing..." she mumbled, breaking the silence.

Silence...just like the rest of this awful miserable moon.

She could not help but to wish for the sudden burst of white noise to drag her thoughts away.

The whistles of wind, the sound of the crops rustling as they danced, the way the wind chimes sang, Pumpkins frantic footsteps, Peridot-"

She tried not to think about her beloved barn mate and the look on her face and Lapis ripped their home from the ground. If a picture spoke a thousand words then Peridot's eyes alone were enough to write an entire novel. The way she begged for her to stay without even needing to open her mouth brought chills to Lapis' spine and was almost enough for her to drop everything and pull the smaller gem into a tight embrace.

Yet it was no enough, at least not for a heartless monster like her. Her eyes watered and her hand dropped back to her side.

At that moment, Lapis was reminded of where the 'love' part of the moon's love-hate relationship came from: The moon provided protection...She was no longer afraid...She was safe...She will likley never see Steven again...She will never bring herself to see Peridot again...She had once again lost the only place she had ever called home and it was all her fault...She would never truly be comfortable again.

At that moment Lapis realized that her departure taught her two things: That she was a coward and that she truly hated the moon.

Lapis' wish for white noise was never fulfilled however the sounds of her own sobs could be heard all across the moon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first! Thank you very much in taking an interest in this story! I had always wanted to explore Lapis' character and a potential journey that would further her character and relationship development (With a lil lapidot sprinkled since this is all for fun of course :v) This idea was in my head for a while and after a terrible case of writer's block, I went for it! 
> 
> In case you had not read it in the description, this fic is canon divergent and will follow the canon up to Letters to Lars. This means that the events and episodes after so (Can't Go Back, Single Pale Rose/Pink Diamond reveal, the wedding arc, the final arc, and so on) had not yet happened and that the fic follows an alternate storyline.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!


	2. Recollecting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when Lapis thinks her guilt could not get any worse, she quickly learns of the consequences of her choices and how she is not the only one affected by them.

Lapis' crying session could have lasted for hours as they had many times before on the disgusting hunk of rock, but her sorrow was soon interrupted by what sounded like lazy heavy footsteps.   
  
She had quietly taught herself how to make a swift escape in the case of an ambush. Both through planned drills and countless false alarms that often lead to flying headfirst into the walls.

Needless to say, she quickly learned of the parts of the base that light did not touch,

 _It's nothing_... she thought to herself, _It's probably just some floating debris_

She hovered to the stairway; her least favorite part of the entire moon base. The irony haunted her from the day she first set down the barn. She left everything behind to run away from the diamonds only for four life-sized murals to stare down at her whenever she flew by. The moment she started to feel safe it took a single glance at their faces to crush any sense of relief.

Lapis somberly looked towards Blue Diamond's sad eyes, silently asking for permission to advance. Her only response was more heavy lazy footsteps.

The gems that took Steven.

An entire fleet of angry quartz soldiers.

The Diamonds, full of vengeance and grief.

Multiple thick hands offering- no, _demanding_ a dance and the dark urge to accept it.

Chains...So many chains.

The possibilities formed a whirlpool in her mind and Lapis was suddenly airborne the moment she opened her eyes. Those horrific murals dashed past her vision and she had no plans to ever see them again. Nothing would change her mind, nothing but one voice,

"Lapis! You're here!"

She pulled the breaks with a single forceful flap of her wings. The Crystal Gems stood at the entrance. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl shot her with questioning looks. The unwanted reunion swept her fears away, but a brand new frustration built up in her gem.

Nevertheless, in front of them was the only being in the galaxy that the gem would not mind seeing. Steven wore a smile, yet his eyes held a different emotion that Lapis could not quite read. Her mind began to wander, finding new anxieties to clog her mind. Surely, Steven resented her. He had wasted so much effort trying to heal her, only to witness her progress burn in flames time after time. 

Lapis suddenly recognized a certain someone's absence. She was not sure if the fact brought her relief or anxiety. She decided it was best to ignore it. "Steven! What brings you here?" she beamed, concealing any signs of distress.

There was an uncomfortable pause and the other three gems exchanged anxious glances. Lapis chose to ignore that too.

"I'm glad to see you!" His face dropped once more, "But there's something we need to tell you..."

Lapis wanted to pay attention and she especially wanted to wear a strong face. However, the blinding light from Pearl's beam only further built her frustrations. She felt like a dear in headlights. Unlike the deer, however, Lapis was ready to strike a water fist if she dared take another step closer. Out of all the Crystal Gems, she built up the strongest resentment inside of her. "Can you get that light off of me?" she spat, "I can't hear a thing with that on my face." 

  
  
Pearl squinted, opening her mouth to speak but was stopped when Garnet's firm hand on her shoulder, "Pearl...It's going to be a lot for her." Pearl sighed in defeat, "You're right" she said before turning off the light.

"Why go easy, dude? Tell her how it is..." mumbled Amethsy with a scoff. While the others seemed to avoid direct contact, the quartz had not once looked away from Lapis from the moment they entered. Lapis had never seen her so stern, "Quit being stubborn and let us talk already..."

  
"You're..." Lapis took a deep breath, "You're not even making any sense..." She noted the frustration building in her voice. There was absolutely no need to be emotional and the gem refused to be vulnerable.

Crossing her arms and lazily leaning on the wall, she kept her squinting glare on the Crystal Gems, "What are they talking about Steven?"

Steven's hesitation heightened Lapis' worries, "We need you to join us an-"

"Join them? I left everything behind to _avoid_ trouble. I already said it, I' just can't get myself involved in another war."

"But Lap-"

Lapis swiftly turned her back to the boy, ashamed to hear the other gems stiffen in response. She would never dream of hurting him and their implications made her see red. They have no reason to be here. The gems had no business getting into her choices, especially ones that left her life on the line. The fists she held tightly to her side trembled as she squeezed her own fingers until the paled. She refused to let anyone control her.

"I'm leaving..." She mumbled, hating the crack that slipped into her voice "I knew staying too close would be dangerous. I'm sorry"

"That's not it Lapis! Just listen. Please!"

She was aware of the emotional toll this was taking on Steven and she absolutely loathed herself for looking past it. Her eyes bounced between the walls, scanning everything in the room to avoid any signs of judgment. She was certain that the Crystal Gems were sneering at her and did not dare look back to confirm this assumption.

The ironically beautiful mural of Blue Diamond stood at the opposite wall. The Ocean Gem could almost feel her stare darting down towards her, her glare pinning her to the floor with invisible chains. Her breaths became heavy and shaken as she looked up at mural with shrunken pupils. Where were the diamonds now? How far are they? How far are they from shattering everybody present?

Steven, noticing his friend's stress, took a slow step forward reaching an arm towards her as a sign of support, "I know you can do it, Lapis." He clenched his other fist with passion, "We've all seen what you can do! We can help you!"

She jerked her head away as she distanced herself some more. Her fingers dug into her hair like nails, "No! Just leave me alone!"

"But-"

"I'm not like you, Steven! What don't you understand about that" Her voice cracked.

Steven flinched at the sound of rushing water from the outside of the base. Of course he would react. the boy had after all already witnessed Lapis making a hasty and cowardly escape before using that same water.

The waters made its way into the base and formed a dancing whirlpool in the air. In unison, three small lights shined at each gem summoning their weapons. Lapis knew she had no intention of hurting Steven, not even the gems. She could only hope she would make a scene convincing enough to scare them away forever.

Finally, she turned back at Steven. Eyes shut close and chin trembling, she clenched a shaking fist into the air.

"Why don't you just GIVE UP ON ME ALREADY?!" she cried.

"Lapis...", the boy reached his hand out towards her but slowly sunk it back down and tucked it into his pocket. Yet Steven was stubborn, especially with a friend in need. "Please! We need you!"

"I told you this would be a waste of time! She doesn't actually care!" Amethyst growled.

"St-Stop cornering me!"

"We haven't even said anything yet!"

"Steven," said Garnet firmly as she lay one supportive hand on his shoulder and the other on her visor. Lapis was not sure what scared most, uncertainty or the possibility that the fusion could read her and her choices like a book. The sudden bouncing on her chest was doing no pleasure in trying to suppress her emotions.

After a brief pause Garnet continued, "Tell her the truth"

Lapis dug her hands into deeper into her hair, her fingernails tugging her hair. Her skirt and hair began to dance like water. One more demeaning remark and she was ready to crush the structure into pieces, "Will you just shut it? Leave me alone! This doesn't involve you-"

Steven took a breath, his own frustration beginning to show through a single teardrop, "LAPIS!"

"Just...LEAVE ME ALON-"

"PERIDOT WAS TAKEN BY HOMEWORLD!"

Silence.

The water fell to the floor like an iron blanket.

Lapis almost seemed like an entirely different gem from a minute ago. Her eyes went wide and turned back to Steven, slowly lifting a shaking hand over her mouth.

"I..I...wh...what?" Her voice was muffled by her own hand.

Lapis refused to acknowledge the irony of the situation. It was not too long ago that she herself was a prisoner to Homeworld. She had to spend restless days in a small cell full of resentment and wishing the same fate to her captors. However, after the indescribable bond that they shared, Peridot was the last gem Lapis ever wanted to see suffer. That thought itself was also ironic, _All you ever did was make her miserable, you monster._

The image of Peridot's glitching face topped with a cracked gem struck her like a bullet.

The room's silence was cut by Lapis' small sad hiccups. She could not read the other's faces, mostly because she refused to look at them. She was showered by shame. Her beloved roommate was likely going through beatings, taunts, demands, and terrors beyond words.

Taking the opportunity, Steven charged towards her and trapped her into an embrace. The gesture was surprisingly comforting given the explosion of anxiety that burst in her mind. The boy looked up her, his look alone spoke for itself.

_This is bad and we need you_

_Peridot needs you_

Lapis stared down at the boy's face, immediately taking note that more tears were beginning to well up. She slowly rested on her knees and felt herself almost collapse in the process. She reached eye level with Steven and took one last look before thinking of what to say.

Every time she looked at him the back of her mind always took her back to the day he first looked into the mirror. His glee, his empathy, his compassion...they radiated such positivity in Lapis' life in a way she could never truly make up. The least she could do was keep her composure and listen to what he had to say.

If she had spoken any louder than a whisper, then it would have been a sob, "Wh...what happened?..." she asked, hating the was she shook.

Steven stared at the floor, briefly hesitating before he continued, "Peridot was feeling down and wanted to visit the countryside. Ever since you guys...split up...she's been visiting there. I guess she did it to make her feel better but...she just came back worse every time" he quickly cut himself off awkwardly.

Lapis felt her heart drop to her stomach

"She took longer than usual and we decided to give her time. About an hour later we heard what sounded like a Homeworld ship leaving Earth. Garnet had us warp to the barn to check on Peridot and..." he shut his eyes tightly in frustration, "she wasn't there! I-I should have known not to leave her alone!"

"It's not _your_ fault, Steven..." Amethyst said in a tone that seemed to be demeaning towards Lapis.

"I could have done something!" Steven cried, "They took her and we have no idea where!"

It could not have been possible. Peridot was the once who decided to be brave. She was always the bold one out the two and that was how it always had been. Lapis could not wrap her mind around it. _Peridot getting captured?_ If anything it made more sense that _she_ was the one to get taken away, especially giving her history of cowardly actions leading to her own imprisonment.

"You...you guys don't actually know that though...You didn't actually see it, right?" Lapis uttered, more talking to herself than the gems. 

"But Garnet said-"

Before Steven could speak another word, Lapis bolted towards the stairway. Peridot was fine and she was determined to prove it. Her mind reeled the same thoughts in repeat,

_She's okay...She's safe...There has to be another explanation..._

"Where is she going?!" Pearl cried out, "We- We need to stop her!"

"UGGGGH, We don't have time for this!" Amethyst shouted the air.

Lapis ignored them but signaled Steven to follow her. She frantically dashed towards the observation orb. If anything could confirm Peridot's safety. It was that device. She gently took her palm and stroke the surface as if she could somehow grant good luck onto it.

Steven soon came racing behind her, catching his breath between pants, "Wh-what is that, Lapis?"

"Hopefully an answer..."

One by one, the other gems made their entrance. Pearl's eyes immediately popped open at the sight of the orb, "Lapis!" she called, "I know you're upset but Steven doesn't need this right now!"

Lapis did not even give Pearl the satisfaction of a glance, "Show me the barn..." if said any quieter, even Steven would not have heard her.

The room was painted with soft autumn colors. The skies glistened in a warm gradient that sprinkled all over the surrounding crops. The few pink clouds lazily dragged themselves across the horizons. The projected scene would have brought Lapis great joy if it were not for the massive gaping pit that centered the scene.

Her home once stood there. 

Lapis set her hands on the spinning orb that now resembled Earth and lightly forced it to stop spinning. The entire scene halted. That lead to a single conclusion, "When did you find out she was missing?" said Lapis in a silent yet desperate tone.

Steven seemed to catch on to the gem's idea, "This afternoon..."

"Okay...I-I hope this works" Lapis twirled the orb in the opposite direction.   
  
Suddenly Lapis felt as if the group was in an old rewinding VHS tape, the type she and Peridot spent hours on the couch entertaining themselves with. The room began to spin, various blobs and dashes of color passed through them in rapid motion, "It's working!"  
  
She noticed the way Pearl and Amethyst's moods suddenly shifted. They almost seemed invested in her idea. Perhaps they needed the reassurance too. Garnet's voice was surprisingly gentle yet remained stern, "This won't work the way you want it to. You need to stop lying to yourself."

The fusion's advice lifted something inside of her, giving her the sudden urge to let go. The chains however would never really loosen that easily. 

"She's right!" Lapis felt a big tender hand grip her arm. 

"I know you're upset with yourself but It doesn't have to be this way!"Steven embraced her from behind, making sure not to touch her gem, "We can still save her! _You_ can help save her"

"I'm trying!" Lapis lamented, "Reversing it is the only way we can know for sure that she's safe! You'll see! We're almost the-"

The room stopped spinning and the display of the countryside was clear once more. The scene was almost identical to as it was moments ago. Lapis' head spun around the new view. She knew that her roommate had to be around there somewhere. Her heart jumped at the sight of a blue beacon of light shooting the sky.

Every inch in her formed wanted to jet towards where the warp pad normally was, but she quickly reminded herself that they were in a simulation. They would simply have to wait for Peridot's entrance. 

The anxieties punched her chest, which surprised Lapis. She had wanted nothing more than to eventually see Peridot's face once again, anything would beat the last time she saw her and the sorrowful expression that ripped her heart in two. However now, even the thought of looking at a projection of her friend was enough to shake her.

Right on queue, Peridot walked into the scene. 

Her breaths became choppy. The instinct to tackle her with a hug was intense 

What she saw was not the Peridot she knew. The Peridot she knew had bright eyes, an ego as firm as the tallest buildings, and was always bouncing off the walls. Everything about this gem screamed misery. Her visor fogged with each shaken breath she took. Her arms hung like deflated balloons off her side and her fingers anxiously danced on the side of her leg.

She paused at the sight of the pit where her home once stood, words unable to be heard by Lapis through the spectating orb. The blue gem has her guesses though: _I hate you, Lapis. Why did you leave me, Lapis? I was always there for you, Lapis._ She figured it was probably best that the scene was muted. 

She watched uselessly, the heavy sense of helplessness doubling as the projection walked right through her form. The ocean gem knew she was capable of harm, she certainly had years of neglect and hateful actions to prove that. Yet the pain on her face spoke at an entirely new level, "Peridot..."

She probably would have stated there standing at the dirt, wallowed in shame, forever, but a sudden alarming shout snapped her out if her agony, 

"Look!" Amethyst pointed to the sky to reveal a massive black ship, one with the shape of a curved-topped cone, that suddenly loomed over the skies, "Is that who I think it is?!" her voice became shrill.

There was no sound coming from the ship's engine, the intense winds that followed the ship's landing did not move a single hair on Lapis' head, even the Topaz fusion that charged out the doors showed no sign of acknowledging her presence. Everything about the scene reminded Lapis that she was in no real danger and that it was simply a memory. Yet the very sight was enough for her wings to shoot out instinctively. 

The technician, on the other hand, was not in the same fortunate state as her comrades. Terror flooded her eyes at the sight of the ship. In a matter of seconds, the Topaz shadowed above her raising a doubled sided mace to strike. Peridot let out a silent cry, jerking backward. Her eyes when wide upon the realization that her back hit nothing but air and tumbled backward into the pit. 

"Peridot!" Steven cried, "Why is Topaz attacking her? I thought she didn't want to do this anymore!" His question was disregarded, for the gems immediately put their focus on Peridot shaking at the bottom of the pit. 

Topaz's weapon struck the floor where Peridot once stood, completely obliterating the edge. She sneered in frustration, quickly glancing back at the ship before leaping after the petrified gem. Peridot watched in horror as the fusion landed at her feet before noticing a massive metal pipe sticking out the side of the pit. 

A new hope built inside the Ocean Gem. Surely, Peridot's metal manipulating skills had improved drastically. She had the tactics and wits to outsmart her foe. Chances were the fusion had poofed her at worse. Peridot would have never let herself get captured, _Come on, Peridot! Please..._

The pipe dashed swiftly towards the fusion's left side, only for her right arm to act quicker. She swiftly caught the pipe right before it had a chance to puncture her form. A new rage built and her look alone made the smaller gem shrink. While the fusion seemed like a silent stoic type, she roared at the technician. 

She swung the pipe with full force. The green gem hopped off her feet in an attempt to dodge the blow but was too slow. Peridot flew like a toy, her back slamming into the opposite side of the pit with a harsh force. 

Curled up on the floor, Peridot held her stomach for a moment before shakily regaining a weak stance on her knees. Her face, however, remained fierce as her eyes promised her opponent that there was more to the battle. 

Judging by the Topaz' cautious glare, Lapis figured that she had realized how she had greatly underestimated the technician's willpower. She, however, quickly made the mistake of dropping the pipe behind her. Peridot grinned mischievously before launching her arms into the air. The gems may have no been able to hear her but Lapis was easily able to hear her shout her iconic catchphrase, 

_"CLOD!"_

Peridot shot a fit in the air in celebration and Lapis could almost see stars in her eyes. The Topaz gasped, realizing her error too late...Peridot's celebration was short-lived. Right as her opponent was about to take the blow, her powers were interfered with. A teal tractor beam shot the pipe.   
  
Lapis recognized this sight immediately and the reality slowly crept up her spine. _She is in danger._

The floating pipe slowly circled around Peridot, dancing tauntingly beyond her reach before skyrocketing into the air. Her eyes twitched as she watched the only key to victory fly beyond her reach and eventually shrink to the point where it was no longer seen. Her mouth slightly dropped open in defeat. 

"It's her again!" Pearl gasped. 

A smug aquamarine grinned wickedly. She mouthed some words with an amused expression as she twirled her wand between her thin fingers. Whatever she uttered, it triggered a rise out of Peridot. She lunged at the smaller gem, only to be stopped by another beam in mid-air.

She continued to speak, laughing a couple of times at her own taunts and savoring the way Peridot's pupils shook with anguish at helplessly being spun around the air. With a fling of her wrist, she tossed her towards Topaz who did not hesitate to firmly seize her with both arms. 

Aquamarine hovered around Topaz, continuing her silent monologue. Peridot did not seem to pay any mind to it and was too occupied with madly flailing and kicking the air. By the look of her face, it was safe to assume that her shouting was full of all sorts of profanities. The flying gem lowered herself to her eye level and playfully taped Peridot's gem with her wand before her face darkened to a sinister glare. It was not until then that the gem completely froze.

It could have only been a handful of words but it was enough for the color on Peridot's face to pale. Her eyes shrunk in horror before her flails for freedom intensified. 

Lapis was at her limit. Small cries made their way past her throat at her friend's suffering, "STOP IT!" She hollered, "LEAVE HER ALONE!" She was not sure who she was shouting out, but at that point, she could not care even the slightest at the gem's stares. 

Almost as if she could hear Lapis' shouts, Aquamarine held a hand to her chin and cackled. She zoomed towards the ship, directing Topaz to follow her. 

"NO!" Lapis summoned a thick pair of water fists. Her body took over while she surged at the fusion only to phase right through her like a ghost. She had completely expected it yet it did not stop her from striking again, and again, until she was following the pair to the doors of the ship, "Ler her go!"   
  
Peridot continued to cry out for help. Lapis could only watch in horror as Peridot took one last look at her home before the Topaz shut the doors in front of them.

The silence in the room made Lapis feel discontented. She did not even bother to watch the ship make its way out of Earth's atmosphere, after all, all that she had witnessed had happened hours ago.

What was she even _doing_ as Peridot was fighting for her life? Sulking in her hammock feeling sorry for herself? Her legs gave in causing her to collapse to the floor. Amethyst glared at Lapis with pity, if looks could kill, Lapis' shards would be at the floor at that moment. Pearl, on the other hand, held her hands over her mouth. She started off so distantly that she may as well have not been in the room at all.

Gentle heavy footsteps broke the silence, "That's enough now." Garnet deactivated the orb, erasing the bright colors that painted the room. 

A tight ball made its way up Lapis' throat, but despite her emotional state she refused to humiliate herself more than she already had. It escaped in the form of a shrill whine.

"Lapis!" Steven darted to aid his friend. 

"I knew something like this would happen! If she had chosen to come with me...she...I would have protected her..."   
  
" _Are you kidding me?!_ " Amethyst growled 

  
Lapis paused at her own stupidity, too caught up in her emotions to even notice the quartz' outburst. Yet somehow her body reacted in the form of sad laughs. She held a shaking hand over the bridge of her nose until the laughs morphed into more cries.

"If _I_ had just stayed with her I could have....I-I should have been there...What was I thinking?" Surely, if Lapis were present, she would have knocked those gems off the planet's surface the moment they tried to lay a hand on Peridot. 

Steven paused. Pondering on what to say next, "Come on, Lapis...We need to go. Are you coming?"

Lapis nodded her head She used her powers to collect her own tears and flick them away. If it were her that had been kidnapped, Peridot would have been halfway across the galaxy by now in search of her.

Peridot had once told Lapis that she could win. Yet somehow, even with this new building determination, she felt that she had taken the biggest loss in her life.

"She's gone...and it's all my fault..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Peridot :( 
> 
> Fun fact: When I first saw the Can't Go Back/Distant Shore leak, I was SO certain that Lapis was using the spectating device to watch things that had already happened. As it turns out I was entirely wrong :v I guess that's where the concept of using the device to "rewind and rewatch" came from. 
> 
> Thank you for reading as always!


End file.
